I didn’t need a diet to lose weight. I needed healing.
Do you believe that trying to lose weight can be a spiritual experience and mechanism for inner healing? It may surprise you that the key to becoming the healthiest version of myself was not in a diet program or a new exercise fad. I invite you along for my journey from a stressed corporate salesperson who was struggling with fertility and failed numerous diet programs to becoming my strongest and most vital self at age 40.
When high school athletics end.
I was an athlete growing up and through high school. Daily practices meant that I had plenty of exercise and didn't have to think too much about being in shape and healthy. After I graduated and this structure went away, I was left with college parties, late-night food binges, and no real understanding of what good health habits looked like.
I joined the corporate world with a demanding sales job and a large amount of travel. The loneliness and stress had me turning to fast food several times a day and I remember laying around my hotel room for hours thinking I should exercise or at least go for a walk.
I gained 20 pounds in a matter of 8 months and felt extremely uncomfortable in my skin for the first time in my life. I also began to have serious health issues, especially for someone in their twenties. My back was going out every couple of months, I had regular heartburn and huge mood swings. I could tell people were starting to notice, which left me feeling even more self-conscious. I remember being asked to stand up in a friend's wedding and being shocked by the photos when they came back. What had happened to me and my health?
At this point, the only thing I truly cared about was getting "skinny" again and fitting back into my clothes. I started participating in what I now understand to be "diet culture" hoping for a quick fix. I tried Slim Fast and can't even imagine what I was putting into my body with the meal replacement shakes. I lost a good amount of weight but within 2 months, gained it back and then some.
I had a little more success with Weight Watchers as I began to gain some nutrition knowledge, but with weekly weigh-ins and the same level of stress in my life, the success was also short-lived. I distinctly remember falling off the proverbial wagon. We were away for a family reunion and after sticking perfectly to the diet for the first several days, I broke…
There were leftovers in the kitchen, and I must've tip-toed back there 4 times to gorge myself on tacos, chips, and whatever else I could get my hands on.
I felt out of control with food. It had such a hold on me, and I felt like a failure for being unable to make any diet stick.
My health wake-up call
And then the big health wake-up call happened. I wanted to have children. I always wanted children and it was an important life goal for as long as I can remember. We tried for a year and nothing. Then I got pregnant and miscarried. And then again.
I was heartbroken in a way that only those that go through this experience can understand. I was watching friends have babies and plastered a fake smile on my face as I attended their baby showers. I was desperate. In the fertility doctor's office, I noticed some brochures for "hypno-fertility" treatments, and I became intrigued. The brochure explained how hypnotherapy could be a useful tool for women experiencing fertility struggles. I was ready to try anything if it would bring my beautiful baby to me.
Little did I know that this major life difficulty was a gift from the universe that would set my purpose path in motion. I started to see the hypnotherapist and she helped me understand that much of my experience with my physical body was a result of what was happening in my subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is responsible for 95% of how we go about our life, without really having to think about it. It was my first endeavor outside of traditional therapy to understand how my thoughts, emotions, and programming were impacting my health. I realized in working with her that my type A personality did not matter when it came to creating a human life. I couldn't force it and in fact, trying to force it and control it may have very well had the opposite effect.
She introduced me to other healing modalities such as Reiki and meditation. Meditation was fascinating to me. You mean….I just sit here with my thoughts and try to make them quieter? I went to a Zen meditation center for an introductory class and spent $200 on a meditation cushion. It wasn't easy but something was settling inside of me and becoming more even. Something that felt like angst I had been carrying for years. I started to surrender and trust. Our hypnosis weekly sessions left me feeling so calm and supported. And during that time, I became a hypnosis believer regardless of my fertility status.
I also began to see how I was turning to so many unhealthy habits to fill an emotional need within me. Whether it was stress, loneliness, rejection, or boredom, food seemed to have the answers and provided temporary relief. But I realized it was never enough. When I started to work on internal healing, I noticed that I yearned to take better care of myself physically. And yes, my sweet baby boy did come to me although 2 weeks past his due date. And he was joined 19 months later by his little sister.
I continued to work with coaches to go deeper down my healing path. A meditation coach helped me establish a true love for mindfulness and daily meditation. He showed me how to be gentle through the process of being with my internal world. I moved away from having my only health goal be the number on the scale and learned about whole-person health.
What is whole person health?
Whole person health encompasses physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health and is the path to true vitality and contentment. If we neglect one, we become out of balance making it difficult to care for ourselves long-term.
Mental Health
Some may consider this the act of going to therapy and I am a big supporter. And it's also developing discipline around watching your thoughts. Meditation is a training tool, think going to the gym for your brain, which helps us to create space between our thoughts so that we don't get swept up in each dramatic story that our brain is telling us. It can help us move away from replaying the painful past or constantly worrying about the future. Understanding that we are not our every thought is one of the most powerful health habits that I have learned and incorporated into my life.
Emotional Health
Very few of us fully understand how our experience growing up impacts how we notice and handle various emotions. And even more, how unresolved emotions can store in the body causing physical symptoms or even disease. In the book Fully Present by Susan L. Smalley and Diana Winston, we are taught that we can recognize emotions without judgment to allow them to fully process through our bodies. Once we allow them to process, we can create space with our emotions instead of entangling ourselves with them, causing longer-term distress. We also learn that emotions are temporary, giving us the ability to work through even some of the most difficult emotions. Can you imagine having a strong emotion and being able to separate yourself enough from the experience to remember that "this too shall pass?"
Physical Health
My health path taught me that physical health is not simply going on a diet so I can fit into my skinny jeans. It's about moving in a way that helps our body become strong and is good for our mental well-being. It's about eating nourishing and high-quality foods and ensuring our body is getting the nutrients it needs to feel vital. I learned to walk around the produce department of a grocery store and actually enjoy the process. Finding the fruits and vegetables that were the freshest and in season. Today I have a very different relationship with how and why I put food in my body.
Spiritual Health
This aspect of whole-person health was the final piece of the puzzle for me. Growing up religious, I developed a distaste for anything God related. But as I went through the inner healing process, I realized I was developing a deep connection to something greater than myself. There was an immense and pure loving consciousness that I could feel as I settled my mind. And the more I developed this connection, the greater my heart felt like it expanded. Recently this feeling was explained in a way that I fully connected with in the book, The Awakened Brain by Dr. Lisa Miller. Dr. Miller reveals that people who feel spiritual have less incidence of depression, anxiety, and even substance abuse. They also tend to be healthier, happier, and higher functioning in their lives.
My wound became the medicine
In the book The Path of a Medicine Person, Granddaughter Crow discusses that to become a medicine woman, she has used all her past wounds and difficulties to heal herself and then others. At this time in my life, I can look back on my healing path and understand that it was important for me to go through each experience. With my difficulties and the healing that ensued with each, I could move into my passion for helping others find greater health through working with their internal world. I became a fitness instructor and evolved my classes to incorporate mindfulness and mindset guidance. But I wanted to go deeper with clients. I wanted to explore the depths of their pain and suffering because I understand that to reach whole person health, we must start with our wounds. I received formal training as a hypnotherapist and integrative health practitioner drawing on what I have learned and what I have experienced to help others.
By working with subconscious programming which are the activities, beliefs, and feelings that drive our behavior, and the four pillars of whole person health, the transformations my clients experience are powerful. A recent client told me that she not only started exercising again, but she found her love and joy for exercising that she has not had since she was in her undergraduate program. This is a perfect example of how our internal world can manifest into our external health habits.
I wouldn't change a single experience of my path because it led me to my life purpose of helping others heal. I know the pain, guilt, hard work, discomfort, and then bliss that can come from this path. My mission is to help other women find the same whole person health that I have experienced.
If you are looking for support in achieving whole-person health, get in touch to learn more about how we can work together. Thank you for reading!
